I had a class assignment to write a short parody sketch. Because it's hard to find actors in L.A. that actually keep appointments, I scripted it and filmed it using my own lame self. The segment included a dry context, a very dry setup followed by a dry delivery. And then I put in a weird sequence that involved masquerading around in a pink jelly dildo before cutting back to the dry closing.

When I screened it in class, all my jaded comedy peeps went glassy-eyed during the ironic parts. They didn't get any of the irony about the cult of the beautiful, articulate television personality. They didn't get the pun on the name. But the dick joke, which was just retard humour, got major laughs. Class feedback: get to the "jokes" quicker.

So when I re-cut it for brevity, naturally, I took out all the dick joke material and left it totally dry.

Unfortunately, also on the editing room floor is a really swell history of the Russian space program starting with Sputnik and culminating in Lunatik. And a bit about the Europeans at the ISS running low on cigarettes.

But that's not the funny part of the story.

Come to think of it, there's nothing funny about this story.

But not too long ago Jimmy Fallon had a Japanese guy delivering his monologue with subtitles. That was f*cking hilarious. I'm sure if my dad even knew what a Jimmy Fallon was he'd have loved it too. AFAIK still no Fallon on the CBC. So it was lost on him. Lots of broken Engrish in my childhood. Rock on.

I had a nightmare the other night. Yeah, I dreamt I woke up in a white office wearing a suit and was getting paid WGA scale to write something funny every day. I was like, "That sounds hard. That's harder than figuring out the exact formula that gives Nancy Pelosi an orgasm!" If I'm going to figure out the exact formula required to give a girl an orgasm, you can be sure I won't be scratching it out on a yellow legal pad with a Flair pen. Let's get roll up our sleeves and get our hands dirty, people!

By Monday I could have recanted this and everything else in my life philosophy.